What is this dreadful place called the real world?
by Long Live Madara's Hair
Summary: Orochimaru winds up in Australia after being sucked into Itachi's Sword of Totsuka. The eternal genjutsu he now resides in – IS IN FACT THE REAL WORLD. He discovers the only way out of this hellhole is to pay the Creator of Naruto a visit.
1. Chapter 1

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Violent swirls of white in every direction, plunging headfirst into god knows where.

"THAT BASTARD ITACHI!"

_No, no, no... This cannot be happening again… Not again…..THOSE BLASTED UCHIHAS! HOW? WHY? I – Orochimaru… Destined for greatness… to discover… everything….. How? How could I be… defeated twice… IN A ROW? _

"CURSE THIS… THIS UCHIHA CURSE…FOREVER TORMENTING ME!"

oOo

Out in the middle of a city, smack bam in the centre of the crossroad of the busiest intersection at peak hour, something snow white appeared out of thin air.

HONK HONK BEEP HONK DONG DONG "HEY, GET OUTTA THE WAY!" someone screamed as the DONG DONG DONG got louder and closer.

The white figure looked up. ARGGGGGHHHH! It jumped out of the way just as a big white thing with green stripes carrying loads of people made its way past.

"OYYYY! YOU! IDIOT, GET OFF THE ROAD!" Someone yelled.

The white figure's head spun around at the sound. A uh, person? was waving his arms above his head and motioning toward the sidewalk. The white figure understood. But – this scene… What in the world was it?

HONK HONK, "HEY, FUCKING MORON!" A blue metal thing rolled to a stop beside the white figure. A man in a baseball cap stuck out his head. "GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD, WILL YA?" The white figure narrowed its eyes at all shouting and glared at the man in the cap. "Ho-holy shit!" the guy squealed seeing the figure's expression. He withdrew his head back into the metal thing and disappeared behind a rising piece of glass. "OI!" the man on the sidewalk shouted again.

The figure frowned at all the shit happening all at once. DONG DONG DONG came another big white thing with green stripes. The figure was ready this time, and prepared to jump up onto a tall building some thirty metres away. It focused a healthy amount of chakra in its body, and leapt up. Something was wrong. "WATCH OUT!" someone yelled. The figure only rose about a metre high, before being rammed by the big white thing.

"Oh my god!" a woman called out. "Shit, was that a person?" said someone else. "WHOA IT FLEW TWENTY METRES!" another yelled. "Who IS that?" said a girl. "SOMEONE CALL THE AMBULANCE, NOW!" The figure on the ground stirred. Footsteps sounded and stopped beside it. "Shit man, what the hell happened? Why was this guy in the middle of the goddamn intersection?" said a man. A woman shoved past him. "Get outta the way, I know CPR." The figure caught sight of a red haired woman bending down toward it, before it passed out.

oOo

"No, he got hit by a tram."

"What was he doing in the middle of the road?"

"I've no idea. Witnesses said they saw someone in the centre of the intersection, but no one saw him walk there."

"Seriously? No one's observant these days. Who is this guy?"

"We don't know. No I.D."

"Jeez. Maybe he just woke up. It's late afternoon and he's still in pj's. Maybe he sleepwalks."

"Your guess is as good as mine. Guess there's nothing to do but wait for him to wake up."

"Hey guys! Sorry to interrupt, the police want to know how the guy's doing."

"Concussion. Surprisingly no major injuries from the impact. Only suffered a few grazes and bruises, lucky bloke."

"Oh good, I'll let 'em know."

"She's enthusiastic, that one."

"Sounds like you. All right it's all recorded. Can you stick around till he wakes up? Need the loo."

"Sure."

The figure on the bed slowly opened its eyes. The young man sitting beside the bed rose from his chair.

"Hey pal, welcome back. Let me tell ya, you're lucky to live. Actually, you're lucky to escape any sort of injury really."

A blonde man's face swam into sight. The figure jolted into a sitting position.

"Hey! Relax. Take it easy. Lie back down, you're supposed to rest."

The figure glared at the man causing him to flinch and retreat back to the safety of his seat.

"Anata dare?"

"Eh?"

"Koko wa doko nan da?"

"Heh? Don't you speak English?"

"I said, where am I, you idiot?"

The blonde man's eyes widened. "I swear it man, your voice just changed. A LOT."

"If you don't answer-"

"Okay, hold on a sec. You just had an accident. You're in hospital."

"I know. What is this place?"

"I – You've suffered concussion. Royal Melbourne Hospital."

"Who are you?"

"Uh – trainee doctor, name's Tim." The man smiled. "What's your name?"

"Orochimaru."

"Oro- sorry?" The man flinched again at another icy glare. "Sir, uh- please lie back down, I'll be told off."

The door opened. The blonde man sighed in relief.

"Oh, you're awake." This older guy must be the one in charge.

Orochimaru got out of the bed. "I'm leaving."

"Hey- lie back down in your bed. There's no going anywhere for you for a while. We've got to get this all sorted." Said the older guy.

"You – be very careful how you speak to me."

The older guy raised his eyebrows. "Please don't be difficult, we're only here to help you. Now, if you'll get back into bed-"

"No, I will leave now. Don't try and stop me." With the door blocked Orochimaru walked to the window and opened it. It was faster out this way anyway. The ground was a few storeys below. Shouldn't be a problem. He hoisted himself onto the window sill.

"Hey- hey! Get down from there!" one of the doctors yelled. "Hurry, stop him!"

He would have jumped, but stopped himself. He remembered what had happened before he got knocked by- what did they call it, a tram? It was like his chakra had been blocked. He tried building it up now. His body didn't respond. By now the doctors had reached him and tried pulling him down from the window sill.

"Don't touch me, you fools!" he shrugged them off easily and saw the older doctor produce a needle from his coat pocket. Orochimaru recognised it at once. He grabbed the younger doctor who was beside him and launched him at the older one, who dropped the needle. He tried producing a few snakes to restrain them, but nothing appeared out of his sleeves. He swore. With his chakra blocked, his ability to perform jutsu was lost. Never mind where he was now, his priority was to get out of here. Being powerless, that was very dangerous. Especially in this place that was possibly an entirely different world.

He looked at the doctors and decided to knock them out, or they'd raise an alarm. He wasn't sure what powers they possessed, but from how easily they fell from the scuffle, he guessed they didn't have much. He easily knocked them unconscious hitting the precise spots behind their necks, and stepped over the bodies to close the door. Then he opened the wardrobe and dragged them inside. They just fit. He made his way to the window and looked down again. Wasn't too far. He could probably make it down safely using the ledges and pipes, but there were too many windows and passers-by. A bit risky. He had to be discrete.

Going back to the wardrobe and taking the doctor's coat, he walked out of the room, only to see two people dressed in blue uniform. The corridor was narrow. No way to get past unseen. Unless he knocked them out too. No, too messy. He decided to chance his way out the window.

Taking off the blasted coat, he climbed onto the sill. This would be so easy if only he had his jutsu. Cursing whatever it was he was meant to curse, he dropped down and hung from the ledge. Using the pipes, he scurried his way across, treading lightly and easily. Like a crab. The humiliation angered him. He looked down at the people walking. No one had noticed. The pipeline rose up again there and crossed above a window. No good. He wanted to go down. He decided sill to sill was the best way to go. There was nothing to hold on to in between so he just slid down, letting the rough brickwork graze his hands and feet until they bled.

At last it looked safe to jump. Everything had to be judged differently now, as if on a handicap. His feet hit the pavement, and he ran. He didn't know where – but he thought the further he was from that hospital, the less likely those people would find him. They were bound to discover those doctors soon.

oOo

Orochimaru noticed many faces turn toward him as he ran through what he supposed was a super large village. Even in this place, he attracted attention. But what was it? This place – this – he'd never seen anything like it. It had so many buildings, tall, tall buildings – and the number of people was unfathomable. He'd been everywhere in the world – everywhere – nothing in the entire world looked anything like the place he was in now. He was certain – this was a completely different world, something he had never imagined.

The Totsuka Sword – that had to be the reason. A legendary sword, like his own Kusanagi, the former possessing the power to trap whatever it pierces in an eternal genjutsu state of drunken dreams. And he had been stabbed by it. Doubtless, he was in a genjutsu. He flew through the streets infuriated that he'd been caught in it. But – this illusion – it had a realistic quality to it, somehow. Yet it certainly felt like a dream.

Heads turned, and turned, and people whispered behind hands, some retreated towards the edges of the sidewalk, others gave a wide berth. He didn't let it bother him – even in his world he attracted the stares of anybody and everybody. This world was only an illusion, but their fear pleased him nonetheless. As he ran god knows where his feet and hands started to bug him. He licked his hands free of blood, and thought maybe he should get some shoes.

A clothing shop came into view. He stopped and looked in. Through the window he saw – Was it? His eyes widened in excitement – it looked just like his day-to-day outfit. He walked into the shop and went straight to the long beige apparel hanging on a rack. Yes! Yes! It was perfect, just like his own. The only thing it was missing was the purple rope. No matter, it would do for now.

"Can I help you?" A girl with straight brown hair appeared beside him. How'd she get so close without him sensing it? He spun around to look at her. The girl stumbled back a few steps.

"Do you have a larger size?"

The girl blinked and struggled to find words. "Um-uh what size is it?" She hesitantly inched past him to look at the tag on the item, keeping as much space between them as possible. "I uh- think this is the largest we have. May I ask who it's for?" The girl was trying to soothe her unease by making conversation, it was clear.

"Never mind that, I'll take it."

He took the clothing off the rack, spotted the change rooms in the back of the shop, and walked to it. He closed the curtain and undressed. The piece of clothing had unfamiliar buttons and zips, but he worked them out and put it on. Then he looked in the mirror. It was extremely tight around the waist. Other than that he liked how it looked. He walked out of the cubicle and headed for the shop exit. He couldn't help but notice the girl staring at him. She blurted "Wait!" and he stopped.

"Sir, you do realise that is a woman's dress, don't you?" He looked at her with a blank expression. "Or-or are you trying it for your wife? Or girlfriend? We've had people do that." She continued staring at the dress on him.

"No. This is for myself." He said. "Do you have any shoes?"

The girl stared at him weirdly. "Uh-um, men's shoes? Or women's shoes?"

"Men's, fool."

"Sorry, this shop only sells women's clothing."

He turned his back and headed for the door of the shop.

"H-hey! You have to pay for that!"

He ignored her and walked out, carrying his old clothes in his hands.

The girl's voice shouted out, "Hey! Come back! Someone, shoplifter!"

He turned to see her in the doorway of the shop. She'd got the attention of a few individuals on the sidewalk. She pointed at him, "That man- the one in the dress!"

A young man listening started running at him. "You! Pay for that, cross dresser!" he yelled.

Orochimaru dodged his attack and launched a counter kick that sent the guy soaring headfirst into the shop window. He crashed through and women screamed. Then he saw people taking what looked like electronic devices from their pockets and bags and holding them up towards him. He heard the sound of a camera. Another guy ran at him from behind. He sent a back kick into the man's face. He looked around. The commotion had attracted more people now. His choices were to either fight them all, or get away.

"The cops are coming for you," said an angry woman pushing a pram. He grabbed the woman by the neck.

"If I were you, I would worry about what would happen to that child if I don't shut up."

"Is that a threat?" the woman spat, her wide face red. She was rather unsightly.

He smirked at her. "Or should I just strangle you now?"

The woman choked as her airway was stopped. "Someone stop him!" a person yelled. This time a young woman leapt at him, and he caught her by the neck with his other hand. Then he bashed the women's heads together, and they instantly lost consciousness. Throwing them to the ground, he dashed off, knocking everyone out of his way.

Since he'd arrived, it'd just been chaos, one thing after another. The trouble he was getting into – it amused him. He was beginning to like this world. The only thing was – there were too many unknowns. Everywhere he turned, something happened to him. It was like a massive, cruel joke. That was not a comforting thought in a world where he had no power. He didn't know what abilities these people possessed, if any, but they looked human enough. They behaved human enough. And, he knew their language. This didn't seem like an outer space alien thing. No, this was more like an alternate human universe. A place you would visit in dreams. And, this was exactly that. A huge big genjutsu dream that he knew he couldn't escape from. It was all a part of the Sword's curse.

The people – he didn't know what they could do to him here, say, if he did something illegal. Like taking a life. What were the rules in this world? Memories of the doctors, the dress, the people he'd bashed came to him. Yes, somewhere in there he was sure he had broken a rule. So – could they imprison him? Did they even have the power to do that? Perhaps there were groups like the ANBU under the command of the leader of this gigantean village, people who possessed ninjutsu-like abilities. He couldn't count it out. For now, it was best to keep a low profile, and avoid attention. Not really his style, but what could you do when you were stuck in a strange unknown land without any jutsu?

The best – no, the only thing he could do – was to find out more about this place, why his jutsu wasn't working and – he hoped with all his heart – if there was any way, any small chance at all, that he could break out of this god forsaken jutsu-less, chakra-blocking, chaotic, metal travel-obsessed, mindfucking hellhole of a world.


	2. Chapter 2

Catching his breath from all the physical activity since being hit by the tram, Orochimaru stopped and ditched the dress. If anything, his wearing it had attracted more attention than before. He stuffed it in a dumpster in an alleyway and put on his old clothes. Doing this he noticed his feet were bloodied and hurt. He wasn't used to going around without shoes. He could put up with the pain, but it limited his physical capabilities. They would only get worse from here. He desperately needed shoes, and different clothes. The doctors were familiar with his current attire. Not wanting to mug a man and have to deal with hiding another victim, Orochimaru looked for a clothing store with many people so he could nick some clothes without being seen.

There was none for a while. Eventually he came across a shop with a reasonable amount of customers, and walked inside. Searching for a kimono, he was disappointed to discover there were none, and picked up a pair of trousers and what he hoped was a men's shirt. Then he searched for ninja-style shoes. He was disappointed again, and settled for a pair of closed toed sneakers.

He looked at the people around him. Some were watching him. What was with these people? They kept staring as if he was from another world. Then he remembered, he was. There wasn't a chance he could sneak out carrying these garments.

So he headed for the change rooms again and put on his new clothes there. Surprisingly everything fit well. He smiled at his knack for choosing the correct sizes first time. Now, what to do with his old clothes? He didn't really want to dispose of his favourite mahogany snake-patterned shirt, but there was no reason for keeping it. He left it and the pants in the changing rooms and casually walked out of the shop. In the doorway there were some socks. He took a pair. Just then a beeping sound started. There were two plastic barrier things on either side of him with flashing red lights. Without looking back he ran from the shop, hearing more shouts behind him. These people shouted a lot. And he ran a lot.

oOo

Dusk had fallen, but the darkness was comforting. No one could see his face now, and he was dressed as one of these otherworldly humans. This was perfect to avoid attracting attention. He walked down the street with his hands in his pockets. Then he felt the urge to pee. He sighed and looked for a toilet. There was none in sight.

"Excuse me," he asked a passing woman. "Could you tell me where the nearest toilet is?"

The woman looked like she blushed but it was hard to tell in the dark. "Well, there's the public library just down the road, they have toilets there. Turn right and you'll see the sign. That's the closest I know of."

"Thank you." He replied.

"Sure, no problem." He turned to walk off. "By the way," the woman said, "Could I get your number?"

He paused. "Number?"

The woman hesitated. "Well yes, if you'd like to give it to me."

Orochimaru was happy the darkness hid his confusion. He hated it when people said something he didn't understand. "Sorry, no."

The woman didn't give up. "What about a coffee then?"

He understood that. Was this woman trying to ask him out? "No, sorry, I'm not interested." He said firmly and walked off before she could say anything else.

The brief encounter was pleasant, that was certain. Using politeness seemed the trouble-free way to go. He wondered about the woman for a moment, before shoving her out of his mind. The urge came back stronger than ever. He had to get to that library, _now._

Running full speed he turned right and saw the sign. He found his way to the library and looked around. Where was the blasted toilet? He saw a sign above a set of stairs and jumped up them three at a time. People looked but he didn't care. At last he found it, and did his business.

oOo

In the library, the place was flooded with light. It evoked a certain warmth, which he supposed comforted ordinary human beings. Nevertheless, a library was a library, and he liked all libraries no matter what they looked like. The shelves weren't terribly high or impressive, but surely they contained the sources of information he wanted on this world. Pulling down a random book from the closest shelf, he scanned through it. From Index to Acknowledgements. Strange, the book was in reverse order, left to right. He put it back on the shelf and grabbed another. This one was reversed too. What was with that? But both were in English. He skimmed a random page, frowning deeper and deeper as he made his way down. What was Christianity, or Egypt, or Constantinople? He closed the book and looked at the cover: _The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire_. What in the bloody world was that? Putting the book back, he walked to a different section.

What he really needed, was some sort of encyclopaedia, no an atlas. Yes, that would be perfect. Seeing category signs above each collection he walked over to the Reference section and began searching there. _Encyclopaedia of Drawing materials, The Encyclopaedia of Healing Foods, Encyclopaedia of Sculpture Techniques_. He shook his head. Where was a bloody atlas? He roughly shoved the books back onto the shelf, a bit peeved.

"Is there something you're looking for?"

Orochimaru turned. An old man with a rough voice. "Yes, old m- Yes, could you tell me where the atlases are?"

The old man pushed his glasses up his nose. "Have you checked the catalogue?" Orochimaru barely shook his head. "Well," the old man continued, "Come here." He followed the man to what looked like a computer. "Just type the name of the atlas you want in the search field, and it'll come up with the title." The man placed his hands on the keyboard. "What atlas were you after?"

Orochimaru looked at the man for a second. "Uh, a world atlas."

"Any specific one?"

"No."

"So, just a basic world atlas?"

"Yes."

The man typed in the words and Orochimaru examined the computer. The thing was smaller than the ones he had in his labs. He wondered how advanced they were.

"Ok," said the man. "Here's one, _World Atlas, _912 LYE under Junior Non-fiction. Good enough?"

"Yes." said Orochimaru.

The old man sighed. "Right, it's this way." He followed the man to the junior section, and looked at the book the man picked out.

"Yes…This is perfect." Orochimaru said, staring at the cover. The man waited for a 'thank you' but received none so he shuffled off.

Orochimaru opened the book. Just then a kid's voice caught his attention. He was sure he heard the name 'Naruto'. He paused to listen, standing behind the shelf out of view.

"Nah, haven't seen it." It was a different kid's voice. "What happened?"

"Ha, best episode ever. Awesome fight man, the best, I reckon." The first kid's voice.

"Yeah, what happened?"

"Just watch it dude."

"Nah, can't, I used up my download limit. Just tell me."

"Alright. Well, Itachi died. Sasuke beat him. Well sort of – he was sick anyway." Orochimaru dropped the atlas on his foot. The kids stopped talking. He picked it up. The second kid spoke.

"Anything else happen?"

"Oh yeah, the fight was the best, there was Amaterasu and Susanoo and…yeah Susanoo looked really cool. Oh yeah, and Orochimaru came out of Sasuke's curse thing but Itachi killed him straight away with a sword or something. Couldn't stop laughing."

"Serious? Jeez that's heavy man." A pause. "Don't you like Orochi?"

"Neh, but Itachi was awesome. Too bad he died."

"So is Oro dead?"

"Uh – I think so. I don't know I didn't really get it. It just looked like he got sucked into Itachi's Susanoo. But the fight man, you gotta see it."

"Well you're a Narutard."

"Nah, I just like the fighting."

Orochimaru stepped out from behind the bookshelf. He was burning with questions.

"Excuse me," he said to the kids. They looked up from their conversation.

"EEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!" one of them squealed. They were both boys, around fifteen. "What the- what the fuck – it's -"

"Oh my god, that is THE BEST Orochimaru cosplay I have ever seen." It was the second boy's voice. He had short black hair and was gaping at Orochimaru, his head turned in an uncomfortable way.

"N-n-no man it's not a cosplay.," stuttered the first kid who had light brown hair and was sitting facing the black haired kid. "He-he's not even wearing the costume."

Orochimaru grew annoyed. What was a 'cosplay' and why did they look as if he was about to murder them? Their fear made him grin.

"ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" They both screamed. Orochimaru walked towards them.

"Children, tell me what you were just talking about."

The kids screamed again, this time louder.

"Holy fuckin' shit man – he sounds just like him!" said the brown haired kid.

"No way, this dude's voice is much deeper."

"Nah nah, it's exactly like his English voice!"

Orochimaru paid attention to their conversation with great interest. They stared at him. But they didn't look like they were going to say anything else.

"Children," he repeated. "Tell me what you were talking about."

The kids froze completely and Orochimaru walked up to the table they sat at. They seemed to shrink back a little.

"Tell me." He commanded.

The black haired kid regained movement first. "Y-you look scarily alike to someone who – well, someone from a TV show, an anime, we watch."

"Anime?" asked Orochimaru.

"Uh yeah, it's called Naruto."

"Naruto?"

"Yes. One of the bad guys. You look, well, and sound just like him."

"Who?"

"Uh he's called Orochimaru, it's a Japanese name, since it's an anime an' all."

Orochimaru grinned. "My name is Orochimaru," he told the kids.

"Uh ah ha, good one!" and the kid laughed. The brown one just kept staring at the scary man across the table. Orochimaru showed his displeasure. "I- no seriously?" blabbed the black haired. "C'mon! That was a joke, right?"

"No, not at all."

The kid stopped laughing midway and choked. The brown kid's eyes widened as far as they could go. Orochimaru watched their reactions and unconsciously licked his lips.

"ARRRRRGGHHHHHHHH!" the kids screamed again and stumbled out of their chairs, knocking them over and sprinted for the library exit. Orochimaru frowned. What was wrong with all these crazy people? Not knowing what provoked their flight, he picked up one of the fallen chairs and sat at the table. Realising he still had the atlas in his hand he placed it on the table.

Just then something black and orange on the floor caught his eye. A book. The kids must have dropped it on their rush out. On the front cover was a boy with bright yellow hair holding a kunai. The title of the book was: NARUTO. A loud gasp was heard throughout the junior section of the library. Realising the sound he'd made, Orochimaru hastened to bend down and pick the book up from the floor. Pocketing it, he left the library for the cover of darkness outside.


	3. Chapter 3

The city was quiet tonight, the bustle of the evening dying down. Under cover of the night, no one could see his face. And so no questions were asked, no strange looks shot his way. Orochimaru quickened his pace as he left the library, breathing with excitement at the book he held in his hand. NARUTO was written in big orange letters at the front, and a large picture of the boy himself was behind his name. In front of the boy were small pictures of the Akatsuki, seven of them. Who could mistake those old, outdated robes? He noticed he wasn't there. Good.

In a deserted alleyway, with just enough light from the streetlamps, Orochimaru stopped to flip through the book. Black and white pictures. Manga. He'd read some as a child during his time at the academy. As he flipped through his eyes widened. There were pictures of Jiraiya, Pain, and that girl, his sidekick. What was her name? Oh, of course, Konan. This book appeared to be a manga of the people he knew, people of_ his _world. He thought back to the conversation he'd had with the boys in the library.

"_Y-you look scarily alike to someone who – well, someone from a TV show, an anime, we watch."_

"_Anime?" _

"_Uh yeah, it's called Naruto."_

Anime, TV show, Naruto. Orochimaru pieced the info together. A TV show that is an anime and the show/anime is called 'Naruto'. Ok, he knew what a 'show' was, but what was 'anime' and 'TV'? They also mentioned something about it being Japanese… What was 'Japanese'? And what did all this have to do with the manga book?

He pondered on this for a while, and something clicked. THIS MANGA IS A SHOW. That's the only thing that made sense out of all the information he had. He skimmed the book through again, this time reading random sections. Jiraiya was talking to Pain. What was this? He read the speech bubbles quickly. Ok, ok, but why was Pain calling Jiraiya 'sensei'? An image of a small trio of kids in the rain came back to him. Yes, of course, Jiraiya had stayed back in the Rain Village to train those three baby kids. WHAT? DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN? Jiraiya fought Pain? When was this? How come his spies never reported this to him? His intelligence network was near flawless, they couldn't have missed this. But the Rain Village was closed off, after all…

After reading the entire manga, Orochimaru set it down and rubbed his eyes. _Urghhh_, he sighed. It was like reading a story of people you knew in your life. It was _weird_. But the biggest question was, WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS? Was there seriously someone out there spying on Jiraiya and Pain, wait, the Akatsuki for god's sake and drawing a manga of everything they saw happen? That was just WEIRD, creepy and… wait, was there someone spying on him RIGHT NOW? Orochimaru quickly shot glances down both sides of the alleyway. His breathing was a little heavy. Shit, calm down, don't panic. It wasn't like him to lose his composure. That thought made him panic even more. Finally, he calmed himself down by biting his hand till it bled.

So who wrote this manga? Glancing at the book on the ground, he read, _Shonen Jump Manga. Story and Art by Masashi Kishimoto_. So, Masashi Kishimoto, huh? Well, he now knew he wanted to hunt down this Masashi Kishimoto, and shoot him a good ten million questions. Like why he was spying on people. But more importantly, how Kishimoto was able to travel between two different worlds. Because it was obvious that he, or she, had gone to the world of Ninjutsu, spied on Jiraiya, and come back to this world to write some 'story' of all they'd seen. Orochimaru wondered if other people also travelled across worlds without him knowing about it. He didn't like that thought. On top of that, this Kishimoto must be extremely skilled and powerful, to be able to infiltrate the Rain village, AND spy on Pain and Jiraiya without them noticing. There's no doubt Pain would kill a spy if he'd found them out. Nevertheless, if facing this Kishimoto in battle was the only way to find out how to return home, he'd do it with taijutsu alone.

oOo

BANG BANG BANG.

"Hey, we're closed! Come back tomorrow!"

"No! Open this door!" came a muffled reply.

The librarian sighed as he walked to the glass doors. He glared at the white faced man behind the glass, shook his head and pointed to the 'closed' sign, waiting for the man to give up.

"Just open it you incompetent bastard! If I had my jutsu you'd be splattered all across this glass now so open up or swear I'll do it with my bare hands!"

The librarian shook his head at the muffled yelling, oblivious to the death threat. He turned his back on the man outside and returned to shelving the recently returned books. About five minutes later, all was quiet. The man had disappeared.

The librarian smiled, relieved. Not very persistent for someone who yelled so loud, he thought.

Seven minutes passed. Time to go home, thought the librarian. The street outside was quiet, there was no sign of life. The librarian turned to lock up the place, exposing his back to a pair of yellow glinting eyes shining out of the darkness. The figure behind him prowled. The librarian sensed something, and quickly spun around. There was no one there. _God, help me_, he thought. _I must be going crazy_. That was when he spotted the eyes. A loud scream was heard throughout the night. Another screech was heard alongside it as a black cat dashed from the shadows and down the street. "Oh, a cat!" the librarian screamed exasperatedly.

oOo

The lock busted open and Orochimaru groped around in the darkness for the place where he'd left the atlas. After all the excitement from finding the Naruto manga, he'd completely forgotten the atlas. He'd managed to find the back entrance to the library and broke the lock with a piece of wire from the security fence surrounding the building. The inside of the library was near pitch black. He stumbled every two seconds and after three minutes of pain he found the stairs. _The atlas was upstairs._ Cursing, he climbed the stairs on all fours because it was easier. He didn't want to risk falling down the stairs. When he finally got to the place where the atlas was meant to be, it wasn't there.

"_SHIT! What did I ever do in my past life to deserve this?"_ he yelled at the bookshelves.

_I know, I'll search the computer again._ He pressed every button on the computer he could find in the dark but none of them turned anything on. Before long, Orochimaru gave up and left.

oOo

It pissed him off so bad that nothing would go his way. He was so NOT used to not getting his way. It was like the whole world was against him. Extremely irritated at the entire situation, he decided on eating something. He ordered fries from a restaurant that had a big yellow M out the front and punched the cashier when they asked him to pay. Afterward, he sat on a bench out in the street and ate, simultaneously flipping through the manga with his other hand, wondering what to do next.

Just then Orochimaru's eyes widened as he saw some writing on the inside cover of the manga. Putting down the fries, he held the book up closer to his eyes. _Justin Than_ was written in messy black pen. Under the name there was more writing. _46 Winchester Road, Thornbury_. _95375270_. A wave of excitement lashed at Orochimaru's insides. This was it. The clue he'd been searching for. After all the things that had happened to him since the beginning of this tiresome quest, something was going right.

"Excuse me," Orochimaru asked a passing man.

"Yeah?" the tall man responded.

"Would you be so all kind as to tell me how to get to Winchester Road in Thornbury?" Orochimaru said in his usual sarcastic tone, forgetting to act nice.

The man paused for a moment, slightly taken aback at the other man's strange way of speaking. "Uh, sure. Um Thornbury was it?"

"Yes," smiled the snake man.

"Alright, it's quite late now, but there's a tram that goes straight through Thornbury, I think. Just ask the driver where to get off."

Orochimaru's white face was blank. "A- a tram?"

"Yeah," the man replied, looking confused. "Is there a problem?"

Orochimaru snapped back to his senses. "No, no problem." Slightly dazed, he walked away from the man, forgetting to thank the helpful stranger.

There was no way he wanted to get on a tram. After how much it hurt getting hit by one… But no, he was being stupid. This wasn't like him. The great Orochimaru, afraid of a tram? Indeed, he would get on one to prove himself wrong. He asked another passer-by for directions to a tram stop, then waited about half an hour till it arrived. When he got on he approached the driver, who seemed tired and unhelpful but still told Orochimaru when to get off.

The tram ride was uneventful, but being the first time he'd ridden on some man-made vehicle, Orochimaru enjoyed the smooth sensations of the tram's moving and braking. It was quite different from riding Manda, or jumping from tree to tree. At last the driver told him to get off, and Orochimaru followed Winchester Road to number 46. He finally located a double storey house, its verandah lights on, and walked up the straight stone path to the door. You could see people sitting down through the glass beside the door. Not hesitating, he rang the doorbell.

oOo

The air seemed to hang a little as the silhouettes of the two figures behind the frosted glass stopped moving, then appeared to consult each other before one arose from its chair to open the door. A man appeared before Orochimaru.

"Yeah? What is it? Do you have any idea what time it is?" he greeted the stranger. The man was wearing crumbled blue pyjamas that were in desperate need of ironing. Behind him was a woman, looking somewhat worried. Orochimaru presumed it was his wife. "Well? What do you want?" the man demanded again.

Orochimaru took his time answering, displeased with the man's tone. "I'm sorry to bother you," he said sarcastically, "Oh dear, what might be the time?"

"It's friggin' 1 am in the morn-"

"Yes, yes," interrupted Orochimaru, "I'm actually here to return something belonging to a Justin Than, is he around?"

The man looked surprised. "That's my son. Did he lose something?" His eyes drifted down to the book in Orochimaru's hand. "Is that it?"

"Indeed it is," said Orochimaru. The man stretched out his hand to take the manga but Orochimaru didn't give it to him.

"I want to speak with him first, regarding this book," he said.

"Look man, my son is sleeping. What do you need to say to him?"

At that moment a teenage boy with light brown hair emerged into the entrance hall where the two men were conversing. Orochimaru recognised him as one of the kids from the library. When the kid spotted Orochimaru, his face turned as white as the Sannin's.

"Justin, this man's here to return your book. He also says he wants to ask you something," the man told his son. "Make it quick, will you?" he directed at Orochimaru.

The man's wife stood up from the couch. "Please come in, it's cold outside," she said.

The boy appeared to be frozen but then stepped to his mother and whispered something to her. "Nonsense," the mother replied. "He won't hurt us."

"I wouldn't bet on it," replied the boy. He shot an icy glare at Orochimaru as he went to sit on the couch. The parents left the room as Orochimaru took a seat next to the kid.

The boy protested and slid to the extreme edge of the couch, twisting uncomfortably to allow both arms access to his potential attacker in case self-defence was needed.

"Now, what I want to ask you-" Orochimaru began.

"Wait- what's your _real_ name?" said the boy. "You aren't really _him_, are you? I mean, I'm going crazy just thinking about it. I'm already fifteen! I shouldn't even be thinking of impossible stuff like this! But you look just like…"

"Yes boy, just call me Uncle Wally. Now answer my-"

"I'd rather die than have you as my uncle-"

A woman's gasp was heard from the next room.

Orochimaru leaned in closer to the boy and lowered his voice. "Your mother is right, be careful what you say to strangers, it's not polite," he mocked, before placing his hand on the boy's knee to supposedly ease his discomfort. The boy froze. Orochimaru laughed quietly so the eavesdropping parents wouldn't hear. "Now, you will be a good boy and tell me what I want, won't you?" Orochimaru said. The boy looked like he wanted to piss his pants, and nodded.

"Good boy."

"Tell me, what do you know about this book?" Orochimaru held up the manga. The boy stared at the book and didn't look like he was going to answer. "Is this a manga?" Orochimaru prompted. The kid slowly nodded. "Good, we're getting somewhere," smirked the Sannin. "Is this manga a show?" The boy nodded again. "What is anime?" asked Orochimaru. The boy was in a daze, staring at the pale hand that hadn't left his knee. Orochimaru sighed. "Do you know Naruto?" he tried. The kid recovered from his daze, his eyes seeming to sparkle in excitement. "I love that show," he finally said. "It's my favourite anime." Light bulbs were alight in Orochimaru's head. So anime _was_ a show. "Do you know where I can find Naruto?" asked the Sannin with equal excitement. The boy suddenly looked all too happy to help. "Yeah, in the bookstore just down the road."

"Does he work there?" asked Orochimaru.

"Huh?" said the boy. Orochimaru realised he wasn't talking about the boy Naruto, and steered the conversation back on track.

"What is the Naruto show about?" he asked.

"Oh uh, a kid called Naruto who's a ninja, it's like a whole ninja world, and they have special powers called ninjutsu and stuff, it's so awesome. Well, I mean the fights, it's all about the fights, but some of my friends like the boring bits…" the kid trailed away.

Orochimaru was glad the boy was finally cooperating, and decided to make the most of this new behaviour.

"Boy, do you think you could show me this 'anime' show?" he asked, though it was a wild shot in the dark considering he didn't know what the hell an anime show actually was. Surely it was a live show?

"Of course! I've been trying to get all my friends into Naruto," said the kid as he bounced off the couch to approach a large black box sitting on a table.

_Does he consider me his friend now? _Orochimaru thought. "Yes, no one wants uncles over friends," he muttered.

"What'd ya say?" asked the teenager who was fumbling around with round circular flat things.

"Nothing, my dear boy."

Just then the door to the room opened and the boy's father reappeared.

"You done?" he asked the room.

Orochimaru turned around in his seat and saw the man looking at him. Before he could think of a smart remark, the boy addressed his father.

"Hey Dad, can this guy stay tonight? I wanna show him some Naruto."

There was one second of silence.

"LOOK, THERE IS NO WA-"

"Alright, calm yourself before you get a heart attack," Orochimaru said, standing up from the couch to face the father. "Might I ask a favour of you, since I came all this way to return your son's book?"

The man looked really cross but Orochimaru didn't care. It was worth a try.

"What is it?" spat the man.

"I'll get straight to the point then. I'm a traveller, and I need a place to sleep tonight. Is there any way-"

"No. That's N.O. No way you're staying tonight, pal. Look, you came here voluntarily didn't you? I don't have the space for some backpacker, now don't disturb my family anymore. Leave now, please." The man walked to the door and held it open.

"Alright then," said Orochimaru. He nodded at the boy who was looking disappointed. Then he stepped out the door, and left.

oOo

DAMN IT! DAMN IT! Orochimaru swore in his head as he walked away from number 46. _He was getting so close! SO CLOSE! To finding out WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HE WAS and what was happening to him. There HAD to be a connection. Between his current situation and the Naruto manga. But what _was_ it?_ _Perhaps it was time to do things HIS way. Perhaps it was time to get rough. After all, all his life, he'd never let anyone stand in his way. It was time to stop playing nice. Even without jutsu, even in this strange world, from now on no one would stop him anymore. He was going to return to his world, he just HAD to, AT ANY COST._

Orochimaru turned on his heel, and prepared to stomp back to number 46 and demand to see the anime, when he saw the brown-haired boy running down the street toward him.

"Hey! Hey! Uncle Wally!" the kid shouted, waving. Orochimaru frowned at now being called an uncle. The boy caught up to him, breathing hard. "You- you need a place to stay, right?" he panted. Orochimaru nodded. "You can stay in my room. My parents won't find out. After all, it's nearly 2 and it's freezing out here. Seriously."

"Thank you, dear boy."

They snuck into the house via the boy's bedroom window. It was on the second floor, and the only way in was to climb onto the roof of the house using the water tanks as a step-up then swinging yourself into the room by hanging onto the pipes just under the eaves.

The boy shut the window and drew the curtains, then turned on his bedside table lamp. "Uh, sorry, my room is really small, and I've got heaps of stuff, so you probably can't sleep on the floor." Orochimaru glanced around the room. There was heaps of stuff, it looked like piles of books. "Yeah, it's all manga," he explained, when he noticed where his guest was looking. It appeared the only places to sleep were either the desk, the desk chair, or the bed. "Uh- I didn't really think about it before. I guess I can sleep in the chair. You can have my bed." Orochimaru didn't protest. He was happy with the bed. "Oh, before that," continued the boy. "Do you wanna watch Naruto now? I have all the episodes on my laptap, so yeah, you can watch now, if you want".

Orochimaru's face lit up. "Yes ok," he said.

Orochimaru watched fascinated as the boy booted up his laptop and the bright screen lit the room. The boy passed a pair of headphones to him, and he took them hesitantly. _What was he meant to do with these?_ He wondered. Then the boy grabbed another pair of headphones and put them on his head, fiddling with his laptop. Orochimaru copied the kid and tried to look natural as he put the headphones on. Looking at the laptop, it was obvious it was some sort of computer. However, it was much smaller than the massive machines he had in his lab.

The boy stopped fiddling and looked up. "Sub or dub?" he said.

Orochimaru had no idea what he was talking about. "Whichever you prefer, boy."

"You can call me Justin, you know. Anyway, I prefer sub." Seconds later a black screen appeared then pictures appeared on the screen, and started moving. There was a moon, and then voices started speaking in Orochimaru's ear. He jumped, but then pretended like it was nothing. So began the Sannin's first experience watching moving pictures…

_So this is anime,_ he thought.


End file.
